"Your knees are short." Feel free to guess the context of this quote. I'm not telling.

"When I saw the polka dot headband I thought, 'Aww. How cute!'" Yes, I feel the same way when I wear it.

"Polka dots make me feel like Minnie Mouse." I speak the truth!

"Sit on my lap already!"

"A tattoo like this...$1200." My reply was, "Wow." Anyway, I'll check out some shops around my house.

"Don't leave marks." Go ahead and guess.

"WHAT! ARE! YOU! LOOKING! AT!" I was on the strip, walking beside a family friend's nine-year-old daughter. I looked over at her, and she was holding--and staring at--a card for an escort service. I screamed the aforementioned quote, snatched it from her hand with force, and spiked it like a football. Surprised by my anger, I started cracking up. Seriously, where did that reaction come from? Oh man... If this is a glimpse of how I'll be as a mother, I feel sorry for my future kids.