Today, I went to Betsy Johnson and I bought three dresses. Except...the dresses weren't from Betsy Johnson. You see, I did both things as stated in sentence one, but not at the same place. I went to Betsy Johnson and I didn't like a thing! It's okay, everyone! Please remain calm. I just didn't see anything I liked. I know, I know... I'm sorry. I did, however, manage to spend $395 at a different store. Don't cry! Please, it's really okay. Think about it this way; at Betsy Johnson, $395 would buy me a dress, or maybe two skirts. But at my new favorite store (as of today), it got me three whole dresses! Don't cry! It gets better! It wasn't with my money!

The store only has black and white clothes. Colors are strictly forbidden. It's called White House | Black Market It's definitely not a show on FX. It's a store.

[Psst. .. Don't tell the models, but I look better in the dresses than they do. I have boobs!]