I never realized how much I touch my toes over the course of one day until I colored them all blue with a Sharpie.

I'm sitting at my desk, typing, when I see a flash of blue. I think,"What the fuck?!" I look at my hands and they're blue. [cue horror movie music] Thoughts run through my head: "How the fuck did this get here?! WHAT HAPPENED?! Holy fucking shit! AHH!"

And then... I look at my toes and see that the once uniform blue color is no longer uniform. It's smudged all over.

What the hell? Why do I touch my toes so often?

Don't ever shake my hand. It has toe jam on it.