This is not a joke.

A friend of mine was feeling glum, so I offered to read her a bedtime story. It was fun, and it made me realize I should read bedtime stories to people more often.

So, I will personally read you a children's bedtime story! I know that's not as exciting as me reading you hot steamy erotica but...you know, I have to draw the line somewhere. I would put my phone number here, but the thought of being woken up by an unexpected phone call does not appeal to me, so you'll have to contact me to get my number.

The fine print: After you contact me, we'll decide on a time for you to call. It has to be in the evening or at night! Once you call, there will be no chit chatting, unless I feel like it. We will simply say hello, I'll read a story, and then we'll say good night. I won't save your number.

This reminds me of that controversial Michael Jackson interview in which he said of his little boy friends who spend the night with him: "We drink milk and eat cookies. It's very charming. We totally don't have hot anal sex. I promise."