As the computer shuts off (along with everything else running on electricity), I hear an explosion outside.

Pacing, I think: "Okay, power's out. What the hell am I going to do now? I can read... Nope, no new books. Masturbate!

"There was an explosion, stupid! Gah. 9/11 all over again! Why the hell would they bomb Woodbridge?! DC is 20 miles north of here, dumbasses!

"What do I do? Call Mother. All we have are cordless phones. Damn, now what? Alright, get Irby and run. Shouldn't I save anything else? No. Get Irby. Run.

"No, that's silly. Okay, I'll look out the window. Look for fire, smoke, and kids running around in circles, pointing. I see nothing out of the ordinary.

"Oh, no! What's that beeping noise?! Oh, God. It's a bomb. A bomb! Get Irby and run! No, think. Calm down. Think. Modern bombs don't beep, they vibrate. Not a bomb.

"Get Irby and walk outside nonchalantly."

Just as I'm getting Irby into my arms, I hear knocking at the door. "Dammit," I think,"It better not be the fire department. The place is messy, I can't let them in."

"Who is it?" I call.

"Darrin. Neighbor."

I open the door, slightly, so as not to reveal the mess. "Hello."

"Hiya. Did all your electricity just go out?"

"Yes." He looks inside, as if to make sure I'm not lying. Maybe my power really is on, but I don't want to tell him. Maybe I just said yes so as not to hurt his feelings. "By the way, is something in your place beeping every few seconds?"

Turning away, he chuckles,"Yeah. That's what cordless phones do when the power goes out."

"Oh..."

Well, damn. Punk ass phones can beep at me when the power's out, but they can't let me make a teeny tiny phone call? What are they beeping at me for, anyway? Do they want me to nurse them back to health?

Why do we have two cordless phones in one household?