Me: Ma. [sniffle]
Mother: Hello.
Me: I got my test scores back today. [stutter on 'today']
Mother: Ooh, what'd you get?
Me: [outburst of cries] I scored in the 98th percentile in writing skills.
Mother: Oh.
Me: That means only 2% of all Nth graders who took this test [long sob] scored [whine] higher than me.
Mother: So why are you crying?
Me: I scored low! [stutter on 'low']
Mother: 98 percent?
Me, angrily: No! 98 percent would mean I only got 98% of my questions correct! [animal noise] 98th percentile means I scored higher than 98% of all the Nth graders in America who took this test. [growl]
Mother: So what's the problem?
Me: I got a low score.
Mother: How is that possible? You scored in the 98th percentile.
Me: [multiple sobs] I got [animal noise] 1320.
Mother: How'd you figure that out?
Me: [snort] I used what's known as addition! [growl] I only got 1320.
Mother: That's good.
Me: No! Colleges want 1500s. [shriek]
Mother: Well, it's only your first time taking it, and you didn't prepare for it. After you take the preparation classes, you'll score higher.
Me, thinking: What, is she telling me my score is bad, now? Make up your mind, woman.