For a split-second this morning, at 6:30 and 23 seconds, I thought I had four armpits.

The scene unfolded like this:

1) I'm in the shower.

2) I look at my armpits, and I'm reminded of Paula Cole's armpits at the 1998 Grammy Awards. (I'm exaggerating. They weren't like that.)

3) Doing the appropriate thing, I get out a razor and begin tidying up.

4) Looking at my one shaven pit (reminds me of a racecar), a bizarre thought enters my head: "Damn. Three more armpits to go."