Dear Cycle,

You give me horrible cramps during my period. Usually, I can nix them with 800 milligrams of ibuprofen, but the other night even that didn't help. You give me lower back cramps. You make my legs ache the way no workout ever has. Sometimes, especially when it's cold and rainy outside, you make me vomit. Of course, when I have cramps I don't eat much, so all that comes up is water and stomach acid. Oh yeah, you also do weird things to my normally easygoing digestive system...or maybe that has to do with not eating regularly. When you're around, I get weird about food textures. If I even think about a food (or anything that goes in my mouth...) with a creamy or syrupy consistency, I get nauseated. The first day of my period, I usually sleep the entire day. The. Entire. Day.

I don't mind the blood, I really don't. In fact, the blood is interesting. I like that bright red color. I also like feeling the twinge of ovulation. It's not that I enjoy that annoying pain; I just like knowing where I am in my cycle. I like that I sometimes feel the twinge in both ovaries. It makes me wonder if that means I'm releasing two eggs. (Damn, I forgot to ask my doctor about that at my last appointment.) Fraternal twins do run in my family, you know. I love the changes in my secretions. My personal favorite is the clear, tacky, stretchy kind. If I remember correctly, that happens just after my period's over. It's pretty cool. I always feel a bit disappointed when the tackiness goes away.

One of my favorite books is called Cunt. I highly recommend it to...girls who aren't of the "LYKE OMG, TOUCH MYSELF? CHECK MYSELF OUT IN A MIRROR?! GUH-ROSS!" type. I don't like those types.

Sorry to get off track there, Cycle. In a nutshell, I don't mind you. You're interesting. I could just do without the pain.

Love (and sometimes hate), Pancake