Despite what you computer gurus believe to be true think, repeatedly pounding the enter key does make websites and programs load up faster. Try it. (Please refrain from saying,"My computer is already super fast.")

I'm distraught over a tough decision I am being forced to make. Do I ask my mother to buy me The Sims 2 for my birthday, or do I ask for a SuperGold membership renewal?

It's quick story time. This punk ass kid tried to get away with stealing my [two year old] pen. Imagine this. It's 7:30 AM, second week of school. Punk Ass Kid asks me if he can borrow a pen. Being the warm, gooey person that I am, I offered him my nice [two year old] pen [without a cap]. Slipping in a subtle "You'd better not steal my pen, asshole" warning, I told him to return it at the end of first period. Now, he must've thought I meant first period as in his first period because he was hellbent on never, ever returning my pen again. Days later, I'm glaring at him bitterly, hoping he's psychic and will understand that I mean,"Give back my pen, asshole." He doesn't let his eyes meet mine. I say something along the lines of "Hey! HEY! Kid in the red who stole my pen!" to get his attention. I ask the bastard where my pen is.
"Uh... Eh... I... unno."
"You don't know?"
"Uh."
"Where is my pen?"
"Locker...maybe..."
"I want it back."
"Uh...kay."

One week later. I'm still glaring at the kid. In the middle of class he asks to go to his locker. He comes back with my pen, and starts doing his work with it.
"Hey! Hey! Kid in the same red shirt as always!" (Actually, it was more like,"Psssst!")
"What?" he mouths.
"Myyyyy pennnnnn."
"Oh. You want this pen?"
"Considering it's mine, yes."

A few minutes later, I'm walking towards Punk Ass Kid, on my way out of the room. I'm giving myself a pep talk think. "It's now or never, Pancake. This Punk Ass stole your pen. You can't let him get away with it."

I pluck my two year old, grimey pen without a cap off his desk and continue moving.

Smooth.

Epilogue: The pen later leaked all over my purse.