I have come to the conclusion that all diaries fit into at least one of the following groups:

Group 1: The Depressed Romantics
They're depressed and they know it [they clap their hands]!They accept and deal with it. They speak of their issues matter-of-factly. They are tolerable, and sometimes quite enjoyable. These types can be found on DeadJournal.

Group 2: The Emo Kids
They whine more than teething infants. They're depressed and they want you to know and suffer with them. Unlike The Depressed Romantics, they're angry and feel sorry for themselves. These people are despised by me. They can be found on LiveJournal and DeadJournal.

Group 3: The Clique Kids
They like the color pink. Furthermore, they like spelling it with two "i"s-- 'piink'. Examples of their usernames include LovexMe, MzPiink, PiinkShadow, and LipLiner. They like Johnny Depp, who's about twenty years older than they are, but "omg he iz sooo hawt so it dun madder"! They can be found on LiveJournal, occupying FRIENDS ONLY diaries, and more recently, on MySpace.

Group 4: The Preteens
Very much like The Clique Kids, but without the clique. They generally lose their friends due to "but-Johnny-Depp-is-my-future-husband-not-yours-poo-head" fights. Thus, they belong to no clique. They can be found on off-beat (not beat-off) sites, such as Open Diary.

Group 5: The Soap Opera Series
These diarists are dreaming for one thing in particular. They write about this one thing constantly. Readers keep coming back to see if the dream in question has become reality yet. These can be found everywhere.

Group 6: The Pancakes
This is the best group of all! These include all of the diaries on my favorites list, and more that I've been too lazy to add. They state their situations in a matter-of-fact tone. Some belong to The Depressed Romantics, and others belong to The Soap Opera Series.

Group 7: The Assholes That Pancake Doesn't Like
The name says it all.